Cats definitely have the marmite factor. Depending on your experience with them they’re either a) adorable bundles of fur or b) hairy evil monsters.

I tend to sway towards b), especially following I’m going to climb up your legs even though I can see you’re wearing shorts and I’m going to bat you mercilessly about the head and sit on your face until you wake up episodes.

I’ll admit that in some circles the second option is not a bad thing. In fact some people even pay good money for it, but swiftly moving on…

I know I’m not alone in this mistrust of cats but equally acknowledge that there are armies of feline lovers out there just waiting to leap to their beloved moggy’s defence.

But I think both camps can agree that the following cartoons from Matthew Inman contain more than a nugget of truth:

“How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you”

There are more cat truths on Matthew’s website ‘How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You‘, including a very helpful quiz (the results of which let me know that there is a 96% chance that my cat is trying to kill me).

The irony is that cats would be ruling the earth by now were it not for the fact that whilst they’re evil, they’re also very, very, lazy.

Poor old Phil Spencer. It turns out that even he’s been a victim of the all-encompassing credit crunch, and has been forced to downscale his property business empire. Poor lamb.

Okay, that’s maybe a bit harsh.  And I actually really like Phil. There’s something very endearing about him, I think.

But is it cynical of me to wonder if there’s a wee connection between this news about his business and the much-hyped future edition of Location, Location, Location?

Y’know, the super-dooper, extra-special episode that’s going to look at people facing negative equity and buying in the post-credit crunch housing market (because we all still really want to take advice from TV presenters, don’t we?)

I can just picture a scene in which a moist-eyed, quivery-voiced Phil emotes about having been “personally affected” by the downturn and how he can “totally empathise” with whatever poor souls they’ve persuaded to appear.

There’ll be sombre background music featuring a mournful violin; the subtle passing around of man-sized Kleenex; and a climactic, emotionally charged group hug to close.

I swear if anything like that happens, I’m going to have to end my TV affair with Mr Spencer…

You may like your toast quite well-browned, or even slightly burned; but for really, really DARK toast you need one of these bad boys - a Darth Vader Toaster…

And in the interests of keeping the balance of the Force, we move away from the Dark Side to something that’s lighter than errr, a lightsaber and cuter than a baby Ewok, it’s … A Hello Kitty Toaster!

Both only available in America, natch.

The Bank of England has cut interest rates by an unprecedented 1.5 per cent.

The reaction from housing market professionals to the interest rate cut has been both surprise and delight - though there is concern that lenders will not pass the cut onto consumers.

Will the rate cut be enough to encourage buyers back to the market and stop house prices from falling?

Please vote!

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I know, you’re all probably sick of the whole US Presidential election. But rejoice readers; it’s all over now! And we couldn’t let it pass without some tenuous property-related blog now could we?

So even as Barack Obama is chasing George Bush around the grounds of the White House shouting “get orf moi laaaaand”, here are few ‘alternative’ white houses currently for sale, should you wish to live out any Presidential fantasies (or maybe if you just like white houses).

The White House, Westover Road, Milford On Sea, Lymington, Hampshire

The White House, Much Cowarne, Herefordshire

The White House, Rectory Lane, Thurcaston, Leicestershire

The Old White House, Dedswell Drive, West Clandon, Surrey

And I did look for ‘Barracks for Sale’, I really did. Sadly there were none. Boo.

Read a piece by Merryn Somerset Webb, the Editor of Money Week, a few weeks ago and meant to reply.

MSW gave Graham Norwood a bit of a clip round the ear for suggesting that the slump in house-building was sowing the seeds for the next house price boom.

“This is all total complete and utter nonsense,” wrote an exasperated MSW.

“If there weren’t enough houses in the UK, why would Paddington Basin – home to hundreds of new-build flats – be pitch black at night? Why would the centres of Leeds and Manchester be jammed with empty and utterly unlettable, let alone unsaleable flats?

“The Empty Homes Agency estimates that there are more than 840,000 empty homes in Britain. That’s almost four per cent of our total housing stock. So there’s no shortage of houses here.”

I have two responses to this argument:

1. You’ll notice the crucial slippage from ‘houses’ to ‘new-build city centre flats’ … not the same MSW, not the same at all.

2. Halifax has just published a report based on Empty Homes Agency stats. It reveals that:

• 17 local authorities have a proportion of empty homes that is at least twice the national average
• All seventeen English LAs with the highest proportion of empty private homes are in the North of England with nine in the North West.
• Fifteen of the 17 LAs with the highest proportions of empty private homes are amongst the 20 per cent most deprived areas in England, according to the CLG’s 2007 Indices of Deprivation.

My point? Very simple: if we’re going to debate the issue of housing supply we need to consider property type, location, economic performance of an area, demographic trends and government planning policy.

In absolute terms there may well be lots of properties out there, but what we need is the right (and habitable) property types in the right places.

When MSW packs her bags and moves to a deprived northern borough I’ll be a bit more willing to take her arguments seriously …

• All talk is of a hefty rate cut this week – a half point at least, and possibly even a full one per cent.

But thus far lenders have been reluctant to pass on the cuts to consumers. So our question for today is:

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Use the comment box below to explain your answer.

With Halloween on the way, and inspired by Joss’s punning chocolate post, here’s my spooky tale based on streets and placenames around the UK. (Apologies in advance. I got carried away. I’m sorry. So very, very sorry.)

(original lightning pic: istock:nature_247)

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

‘Twas the night of AllHallows.

Rain(ham) was lashing down and the Thunder(sley) rolled as I walked towards home.

Suddenly lightning flashed, and I spied a Black Dog. It let out a bloodcurdling Howl(ey) and turned towards me, eyes flashing Red(hill) and jaws slavering as if it had Rabies (Heath Road).

Unwilling to be a Lamb(eth) to the (Lower) Slaughter I turned tail and ran back along Gibbet Street.

Panting for breath I leaned against a wooden post which creaked ominously. Looking up, I screamed.

For I had unwittingly run onto Gallows Green, and the corpse of the notorious highwayman ‘Black Bourton‘ was swinging towards me on the Gibbet (Lane), his fleshless Skull (House Lane) grinning.

In blind panic I fled along the Hangman Path and into the Woodlands, wherein lurks the Goole. Legend tells of how it lures unwary travellers into its Crypt (Estate) and feasts on their Brains (Green).

Fortunately, I escaped unscathed but then, stumbling into the graveyard, I fell headlong into an open Grave(send), and landed on top of a Coffin(swell).

Laying there, winded, my blood froze as the coffin creaked open and a pale Hand(cross) groped towards me. The Dead (Lane) were rising!

Scrambling out of the Grave(ny), I ran towards a nearby cottage, and witless with terror hammered at the door.

It finally creaked open and, to my Horra(bridge), I was face to face with the Witch(am)!

My overwhelmed senses finally gave in and, as I slipped into a dead faint, the last thing I heard was the Witch (Close), as she cackled…

“Happy Halloween!!”

I blogged enthusiastically a while ago about Barratt Homes dishing out free beer at viewings.

Let me now take the opportunity to raise a glass (or three) to Ludlow Thompson for their splendid Good Pubs Rental List – in ma hones opinun (hic) … iz a brillen idea.

It’s not, let me hasten to add, that they’re trying to encourage us to knock back 15 pints after work – as we all well know, this is not how we do things here in Blighty.

No, no, no: we drink like this:

“If a stop at your local pub for a pint or a Pinot Grigio on the way home is part of your daily routine, check out our List of Rentals with nearby ‘locals’.”

Ah yes, many’s the time I’ve stopped by on the way home for just the one …

Still, hats off (if you can still find your head) to LT for acknowledging the incalculable (and try saying that after a few) value of a good local boozer.

My own local is a place called the Cleveland in Preston Park, Brighton; a fine hostelry that also serves bloody good grub. If you’re ever in the neighbourhood … mine’s a pint of the black stuff.

Does the local matter? Tell us about the boozer that makes your neighbourhood more … neighbourly …

Cadbury’s recently bucked the trend of most other businesses when they announced their profits were up by 11 per cent over the last quarter.

There’s got to be a connection between that and the general gloom that’s going around, surely?

We might not be able to heat our homes anymore but goddammit, we can still afford the odd Dairy Milk to cheer ourselves up.

So in honour of Cadbury’s range of feel-good products, I’ve written a few chocolate-coated words on the housing market.  My apologies in advance…

This past year has been no Picnic or bed of Roses for anyone affected by the credit Crunch(ie).

But will the recent government cash Boost lead to Gordon Brown & Co. being hailed as the Heroes who saved us from an economic Melt(s) down?

Is there a Wispa of optimism in the air, or will Gordon be accused of Fudge-ing the financial truth, and end up with (Creme) Egg on his face?

Thinking about it too much is sending me into a mental Twirl; I need some Time Out before I turn into a total Flake…