*** UPDATE 24/7/09 Alan has now done his plinth stint and very entertaining it was too. Well done sir! ***

Walk around Trafalgar square in Central London and you will notice that one of the plinths is lacking any customary statuary.

Known as (wait for it) “The Fourth Plinth” it was originally meant to display a mounted William IV. But there wasn’t enough money for that, and when eventually there was enough money no-one could agree on what to put there. So it’s remained mostly empty ever since.

However should you be passing said plinth midday on July 24th 2009 and look up, the plinth won’t be empty. Nope.

Instead the friendly, furry* face of our very own Helpdesk Team Leader, Quiz Guru and Games Geek, Alan Faller will be beaming down at you.

Fear not, he hasn’t been evicted from his Brighton home.

And no, he’s not protesting the lack of a GCSE in Gamesmastery in the national curriculum.

Instead he’s been chosen to take part in One & Other - Antony Gormley’s living portrait of the UK - and he’s writing about it over on his Art Imitating Life blog.

Go on, have a read and give him some help. He needs it, as he hasn’t got a clue what he’s going to do for an hour, on an empty plinth, in the middle of London.

*He is not an Ewok, he just has a beard.

Unlike Jocelyn some of us didn’t want to remortgage our homes and go to Glastonbury this year to spend four days in a soggy tent listening to the constant thump thump of the dance tents.

No sirree, that’s not for me. I stick two fingers up to Glasto and have instead created the Staying At Home FindaProperty.com Anti-Festival playlist on Spotify.

“Say what?”, “Spotty who?”

Let me explain …

Spotify is a program that lets you listen for free to all of those albums you used to have on tape or vinyl and had forgotten about, or lost, or lent to an ex-girlfriend.

Spotify also lets you create and share playlists from said albums. You see where I’m going with this?

Yes, I’ve made an anti-festival playlist. Forget wet tents and smelly toilets, this is all about your home. Your wonderfully warm, comfortable and above all DRY home.

There are tunes to everybody’s taste. From Dolly Parton to the Doves, Crowded House to the Cramps and Madness to the Mystery Jets.

Songs about home, songs that remind you of home, songs that make you homesick.

Sign in or up to Spotify*, listen to the playlist then let us know your own ‘home’ song suggestions in the comments below.

*Only if you want to of course. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s entirely up to you, but if you don’t, you’re missing out on a peach of a playlist

Something very strange has happened, a huge reversal of fortunes, a massive volte-face by the missus - we are, after all, going for a flat.

It may have looked like I had lost this particular discussion - but not so.

Thanks to a flash of genius, and to ensure that my involvement in the physical move was kept to the absolute minimum, I suggested that we put an offer in for the flat we currently rent.

I’d imagine that the most stressful element of moving house is packing. Followed closely by unpacking and putting everything in the right place, which I’m convinced I’ll be incapable of doing and I know Ruth would agree.

I’m really struggling to find a downside. We know the area really well, get on with our neighbours, know what the property is worth and are both genuinely happy where we are.

So we made an offer. Which was refused

The impression we get from our agent is that there’s room to haggle, which is nice of him as he’s not paying a penny. But I have to say that he’s been a great help.

Having two people buying a property together isn’t any easier when you’re both purchasing for the first time.  In some cases, it could be seen as being even harder…

Hypothetically speaking, it is perhaps a natural inclination when you buy a home to think of the improvements that can be made; very prudently increasing the value. But where does this stop!

We live in the place already but that hasn’t stopped us talking about a new kitchen, carpets throughout and cutting down on clutter - which normally means my Rothmans Football Annuals 1986 - 1992 ending up in the recycling bin. But this is all hypothetical mind…

What is special about buying with your partner is being able to share these conversations with someone who has just as big an interest. So I’m enjoying planning what we’re going to do although slightly aware that we may be getting ahead of ourselves.

But with our agent’s advice we’ve increased the offer and are awaiting the vendor’s decision, although he’s pretty confident we’ll get the thumbs up. Exciting times.

Here’s to hoping my new found good luck doesn’t run out soon.

On the eve of my annual sojourn to Glastonbury, I’m keeping everything crossed that the current forecast of sun, sun, sun, holds true for the next five days.

My faith in meteorologists is such, however, that I’ll be taking my tartan wellies regardless of all the wee suns pictured on the BBC website.

But why is it that as soon as there’s a sniff of proper summer weather, the doom-mongers over at the insurance companies are busy peddling pessimism?

Seemingly not content with spending the last couple of summers convincing us that we were all in imminent danger of flooding, they’ve now come up with a contingency plan for the sunny weather. Subsidence.

According to the experts at Halifax Home Insurance, the forthcoming heatwave on the back of two wet summers is a sure-fire sign that many of the UK’s homes are about to sink.

While I’m fully aware that subsidence is a very serious issue and that weather is a contributory factor, I’m a bit fed up of insurance companies having a catastrophe for every season.

Maybe some of these insurance bods should hotfoot it down to Glastonbury Green Fields this weekend and just chill out. Man.

Note: Since I last looked – mere hours ago - the forecast for Glasto has changed from wall-to-wall sunshine to a Somerset monsoon.  I am sooo in a camper van next year.

As luck would have it, I won’t be boarding a flight to the South of France and trying to complete on the property at the same time, as I have exchanged and complete tomorrow!

I am going through waves of extreme excitement, blind panic and slight nausea at the thought of the money I don’t have … the usual, I am sure.

So, I finally heard back from the vendor’s solicitors regarding the outstanding questions. I didn’t get much further but at least I tried, and to be honest I was getting to the point of not really caring anymore, I just wanted to get it finalised.

I went to the building society and transferred my life savings which was quite emotional, not just because it was a huge sum of money, but also because it was money my much loved granddad left to me over 11 years ago that I have left untouched, and have tried to add to over the years.

I know he wanted that money to go towards my first place and it may have taken 11 years, but I got there in the end! Without it, this property purchase wouldn’t be happening and I know I am lucky to be able to find the 10 per cent deposit.

I have spent the last couple of days trying to work out how much money I have left for paint and carpets, and making a list of the things I need to do in the flat. I have a few days of wallpaper stripping, cleaning and painting to look forward to, with hopefully a glass of champagne or two thrown in at some point.

I am thanking my lucky stars as I know I have got a good deal on this place, and  as much as I like to think there was a bit of intelligence with regards the timings and being sensible with my offer, I know there has been a lot of luck as well.

Am also very grateful for fantastic boyfriend who is a carpenter/builder and who is going to come in very, very handy!

I am now just counting the hours until I get the completion call, and then I am off to pick up the keys, buy some paint and try not to fall out with my new neighbours as I knock down a wall as part of my ‘Changing Rooms’ transformation!

Our favourite shed blog, er, Shed Blog, has posted the rather fantastic new video for the official Shed Week song.

Sung with gusto by ‘Punks not Dad‘ it’s called, appropriately enough, ‘In Me Shed’.

Great video, great sentiment (it’s about all the things we do in our sheds) and pretty catchy in a ‘we know 3-ish chords and we’re gonna use them in best punk thrash fashion and we don’t caaaaaaaaare’.

Plus there’s a great introduction from “Lisa Rodgers (Off of TV’s Scrapheap Challenge)” (sic).

All in all a fine effort and a grand punk ode to the joy of sheds.

And a one, a two, a one, two, three, four …

“In me shed - reading the paper
In me shed - stirring up some paint
In me shed - sorting out me jam jars
In me shed in me shed”

What do you do in your shed? Let us know below… don’t be shy. There’s no shame in sheds!

My latest update could really be one sentence. No keys and more paperwork…

This feels like it is taking forever and I know people who are in chains/more complicated situations who have managed to exchange on their property before me. I’m jealous!

So, I received another bundle of paperwork through from the solicitor – three years of maintenance accounts, questionnaires filled in by the vendor, leasehold information, and another questionnaire that my solicitor had put to their solicitor.

Questionnaire overload!

As before, it took me a little while to muster up the energy to sit down and work my way through it, but I did and I did it thoroughly. Think I was up until midnight going slowly cross-eyed!

I took my time though as wanted to make sure I understood everything. Would kick myself if a few years down the line I had missed something…..

It raised a couple of questions. Nothing major and certainly not deal breaker questions but decided I should wait for the responses. Unfortunately the vendor doesn’t know much about the property as I am assuming it was a relative’s place, so there are a few unknowns, and I thought it was best to try and investigate a little further.

The agent said that vendor wasn’t too pleased with me coming back with questions at this late stage but said I refuse to be rushed, and as my questions are minor (and reasonable questions)  hoped I would get something back pretty quickly.  Am still waiting…

As I explained to the agent, I am a first-time buyer who hasn’t done this before so it takes time to go through everything. I do feel like I am probably being over cautious, but there is  a lot of money involved so got to do it right. It’s nerve wracking, this last bit!

My solicitor seems to think once we have the answers back we can proceed pretty quickly, though, so that is positive.

In the meantime, my normally sensible Virgo side has disappeared momentarily and I have booked a mini-break to the fabulous but pricey South of France. WHAT AM I DOING?!

Feel completely irresponsible about money, and there is a possibility I could be completing as I board a sleazyjet flight to the sun. Oh well, can’t put your life on hold, and fantastic boyfriend has a contact with an apartment near Nice, so couldn’t really say no!

Am convincing myself that there will be a real need for a holiday after stress of moving although more than likely will be coming back to moving chaos…

C’est la vie!

Last year, the road where I now live was runner-up in Brighton’s City In Bloom ‘Flowers In My Street’ competition.

This year, judging by the almost overnight appearance of brightly coloured, full-to-bursting window boxes – June is competition month - the green-fingered residents are gunning for first place.

Very pretty the flower-clad street is, too.  An absolute delight. Or so I thought until this morning, when I discovered a potentially dangerous element to all this floral loveliness: Wasps And Bees.

I spotted several hovering around the newly hung lamppost pots when I set off to work.  So much so, I had to walk up the middle of the road rather than risk being dive-bombed on the pavement.

I am completely petrified of these evil creatures. And yes, I have been stung.  Three times, in fact.  My paranoia is entirely founded.

All of my friends can attest to my terror.  Particularly those who have experienced my vice like grip whenever one of the nasty things comes near me, as I desperately attempt to remain utterly static lest sting number four should occur.

So, I find myself in a bit of a dilemma.  I’d be very happy for my horticulturally gifted neighbours if they won the coveted Most-Gorgeous-Street-In-The-Whole-Wide-World-Ever-Ever-Ever title.

But do I really want to risk harm to my physical being every time I step foot into said amazingly beautiful street?  I think not.

Incidentally, my good friend Jon swears that if you manually kill a wasp while it’s in mid-flight it can’t sting you.  He’s determined to put this theory to the test next time I’m in vespid danger.

Anyone happen to know if there’s any truth in this rumour? I couldn’t bear the guilt if it all went horribly, painfully wrong.

I can say with total certainty that, even when taking cost out of the equation, buying a house with another person is very different to any everyday purchase.

I’m always delighted to confirm that Ruth’s dress, shoes and handbag combo is quite simply stunning and a bargain at twice the price – whilst really pondering whether Rafa will rotate or stick to his best 11 – without worrying that there will be any grave implications to my general well being.

Although there are, sometimes - Rafa likes to rotate.

But when buying a home, the biggest purchase you’ll both ever make, there’s a very clear statement of intent from both sides that takes into account some very subjective tastes.

I like flats. With our budget, we can get a nice two-bedroom flat in a great area, that doesn’t need any work doing to it, just a short walk from THE pub.

She likes houses. With our budget, we can get a smallish three-bedroom house, in an okay area, that needs work doing to it (it’s a ‘project’), just a short walk from A pub.

I find this project aspect especially worrying. I hate DIY. I don’t feel that I need to justify myself because I detest it that much.

And naturally, there have been some heated discussions but the house hunting is going very well, thanks.

It’s really all about making concessions, and finding our first dream home together is something we will always see eye-to-eye on. And we’ve already tried putting in an offer on one!

It’s a beautiful three-bedroom house in South Wimbledon, five minutes’ walk from the town centre, beautifully decorated, ample room to extend and - the Holy Grail - a conservatory with under-floor heating.

Following our offer, I received a call from the agent to hear that a bid has been accepted.  Just not our bid.

Our cheeky offer of circa £60,000 below the asking price was knocked back - ultimately proving that as a couple, there’s one thing that you sadly can’t make concessions with: your budget. (Unless this blog leads to a substantial pay rise…)

Fancy borrowing a neighbourly cup of sugar from Norman Cook?

Or do you like the idea of paddling in the surf on your own private beach before inviting Nick Berry round for sherry?

Then look no further my property finding funsters as it seems a house on ‘Millionaire’s Row‘ in Hove is for sale (although I think you’ll find it’s ‘Portslade actually’ dahlings).

And secret sources close to yours truly have whispered that it’s allegedly, possibly and, very definitely maybe, the former home of Heather ‘Vegan’* Mills. (You will have vegan burgers kiddies, you will, you will you will you will you will…)

… actually, scratch all that. I’ll leave sleb house-spotting and property porn to the professionals. Your Mama over at The RealEstalker does it waaaaaay better.

Instead, I’ll stick to the facts (and nothing but the facts):

• 4 bed
• £1.8-ish millions squids
• Private beach
• Famous neighbours
• Bish
• Bash
• Bosh

*Actually I quite like vegans**. My brother is one and he’s lovely.

** But I couldn’t manage a whole one.