Think you’re having a bad day? Well, spare a thought for Hollywood heavyweight Nicolas Cage who, we hear, is being forced by the nasty old IRS to sell off his property portfolio.

And what a portfolio it is – a private island in the Bahamas, a Bavarian schloss, an estate on Rhode Island, homes in Las Vegas and New Orleans, and, yes, his castle in Somerset.

Cage bought Midford Castle a couple of years ago, apparently because of its proximity to mystical Glastonbury.

As an added bonus, the gothic folly is built in the shape of the ace of clubs – supposedly as a nod by Henry Disney Roebuck to the card which won him the fortune to build it way back in 1775.

It’s just three miles from Bath, sits in 60 acres of secluded park and woodland and comes with seven bedrooms, two cottages, an orangery, and a former priory.

The actor paid around £5m for the place but with the tax man breathing down his neck he’s had to sell it off – allegedly for a cut-price £3.5m. Ouch!

Are you a security obsessed real ale drinker who just wants to be left alone to brew beer in the middle of the sea?

Maybe you’re a patch-eyed, cat stroking genius who’s in the market for a discrete bomb-proof bolt hole? (This place used to have anti-aircraft guns mounted on the roof so a giant molecule-melting laser should be no problem.)

Then again, perhaps you’re a more traditional business type who sees serious commercial potential in turning a vast military installation into a party and leisure venue?

All of these, my friends, are possible future uses for the behemoth that is Spitbank Fort in the Solent. So, according to the planning documents, are a residential school, a recording studio, a water bottling plant, a casino, and (gulp!) … offices.

The fort has 15ft thick granite walls, more than 50 rooms and comes with a dance hall, restaurant, lighthouse, museum and, apparently, its very own ghost.

And no, I don’t know how the milk is delivered (though there is a helipad).

It’s being auctioned by Clive Emson on 4 Nov 2009 at the Rose Bowl, Southampton. Guide: £700,000 – £800,000.

More about Spitbank Fort

This week’s graph comes from our latest House Prices & Affordability Index.

It shows that the two-tier market continues – prices on the rise for home movers (values are up seven per cent year-on-year) but falling for first-time buyers (down 4.1 per cent on last year).

Why the difference?

Those at the upper end of the market have higher incomes and more equity, and they’re also chasing a relatively limited supply of sought-after family homes.

Those at the first rung have lower incomes, are more mortgage dependent and are finding it much harder to get into the market – hence the continuing decline in values.

Interestingly, both ends of the market have strengthened in recent months. Since June, first-time buyer prices have risen by £1,153 or 0.8 per cent.

Over the past six months, home mover prices have surged by 7.2 per cent and are up 1.6 per cent month-on-month.

In the market as a whole, houses prices have risen by £6,000 over the past six months.

You can read the full report here: House Prices & Affordability Index.

We’ve just launched a new feature on the site which we think you’ll really like. It’s called My Places, and this is how it works.

What?
My Places allows you to check how many miles a property listed on the site is from up to 5 places that are important to you, such as your place of work, or your child’s school.

As you browse the property listings you will see that under each picture there’s a gold star with the My Places prompt:  “How far is this from my work, children’s schools, gym?…”

If you are not a registered user, or are not logged in, a click on this will take you to the log in or registration window.

How?

If you are registered and logged in it will take you to the new My Places page.

Here all you have to do is type in the place you are interested in (the office, the local pub) and its postcode.

All properties searched in the UK will then show the user how far they are from each of their places.

So, at a glance you can now easily see if a property is within a reasonable distance from your workplace, your girlfriend’s house, or any other place you’re interested in.

Or, alternatively, you can use it to make sure you are far enough away from the in-laws, a rowdy school, or, as in this example – Dungeness Power Station.

Hope you like it. Happy house hunting!

From The Apprentice House To Amstrad HQ

Want to check it out? Here’s a link to The Apprentice House (2010). It’s the one on the market for £11.5m in Bedford Square, Bloomsbury.

How far is it from S’rAlan’s Amstrad HQ in AL2 2DQ? (Copy this postcode – you’ll need it!)

Psssst! Fancy a sneak preview of the new Apprentice house?

Well, come with us, fellow fans, to Bloomsbury’s Bedford Square, and catch a glimpse of the snazzy Georgian townhouse where next year’s contestants will soon be ensconced:

Suitably impressive exterior, huh?  And here’s a list of what we think are Potentially Fabulous Features (in TV terms):

Outstanding Master Bedroom:

Cue the catfights when the contestants clamour for a place in the ultra swanky bedroom with its acres of space, double shower and raised bath. My money’s on one (or maybe two?) of the girls.

Two Internal Self-Contained Flats:

Ideal for canoodling couples hoping to be the new Phil and Kate.  Also a great place to imprison the inevitable pompous ex-public schoolboy.

Swimming Pool & Spa:

A perfect excuse for lingering camera shots of the more aesthetically pleasing contestants as they frolic in skimpy attire.  And potential humiliation for the rest of the bunch.

Hi-Tech Games Room:

Stand well back and watch the testosterone fly. And I’m not just talking about the boys.  Bound to bring about a few battles of the sexes – or just battles, full stop.

Grand Piano:

No doubt there’ll ‘just happen’ to be at least one of the new intake who’s been classically trained in tinkling the ivories. Let’s just pray they’re no relation to Tara PT.

The Bedford Square property is currently on the market for £11.25 million through Savills in Hampstead (0843 2821 600).

The new series of The Apprentice is due to start in March 2010 on BBC1.

Back in 1997 popular beat combo The Verve wrote themselves into rock history with their acclaimed third album, Urban Hymns.

It’s probably best know for the anthemic “Bitter Sweet Symphony” and the equally cheery “The Drugs Don’t Work” but Richard Ashcroft was obviously in a happier mood when he wrote “Lucky Man”, the third single …maybe the drugs had started to work by then?

Why am I telling you this? Because, music fans, you can now rent the amazing flat that featured in the “Lucky Man” video. It was designed by the Richard Rogers Partnership and is, apparently, a particularly fine example of the High Tech style.

High Tech, it seems, means big and shiny, lots of steel and glass, industrial pipes and girders and plenty of severe black chairs.

In the video Ashcroft rambles down that incredible staircase, strums his guitar, looks out the windows, and trys, without much success, to encourage the rest of the band to stop lounging around and pitch in. No wonder they kept splitting up.

Anyway, the tenant who moves in here will need to stump up £6,933 pcm for the privilege. Lucky indeed…

Click the Youtube pic to see the video – embedding is restricted so we can’t show it here.

An architectural classic this week: the Georgian Townhouse.

Of course, given that there were several King Georges, the Georgian period lasted for well over a hundred years, starting – logically – with George I’s reign, which began in 1714, and ending with the death of George IV in 1830.

Styles of architecture changed during this long period, naturally, but there are several hallmarks of the quintessential Georgian townhouse that we still recognise today, such as the double hung sash windows, hooded entrances and decorative fanlights above the front door.

Admittedly, their timeless elegance doesn’t come cheap - but these desirable properties tend to hold their value well.  Here are five fine examples to drool over:

(Click on pics for full property details)

1. Bloomsbury, London WC1
£11,250,000

2. Clifton, Bristol
£2,250,000

3. Bath
£1,695,000

4. Clifton, Bristol
£1,150,000

5. Chester
£650,000

We like a nice homely shed here at Winging It, but we’re also partial to a bit of upmarket architectural eye-candy, so imagine our delight when we discovered that some genius has created a super cool, Kevin McCloud approved … shed for living!

We haven’t been this thrilled by a design ’solution’ since eglu applied a bit of i-Mac styling to the humble chicken coop. Could it really live up to our fevered expectations?

And, more to the point, could it live up to its own billing as “individual low-cost student or key-worker accommodation, or an ideal house for a first-time buyer”?

Said shed, or dwelle, as designers FKDA architects have branded it, is zero carbon, off-grid, and cleverly compact.

It has underfloor heating, a wood-burning fireplace, newspaper insulation (Guardian, I’m guessing!) and a streamlined barn conversion aesthetic. It looks like this:

I think it’s pretty cool, and at £35,000-£50,000 for the largest version, you can’t really quibble about the price – even if, as we all well know, the biggest problem with this will be finding an affordable site to put it on.

Still, hats off to FKDA for an imaginative and good-looking response to the plight of the FTB. And well done to Grand Designs Live for showcasing it this weekend.

If you want to take a closer look, go see dwelle at Grand Designs Live, Birmingham, where it will feature alongside a couple of other very cool eco- and micro-homes in the Grand Village.

I came across a property the other day advertised with “duel aspect windows” (sic).

I was immediately put in mind of the incident when Lord Sash-Windowe famously called out Major P.V.C. Casement for suggesting he’d defenestrated his wife …

Both parties were injured, the local constabulary was called and the case eventually went to court where the judge recorded … an open verdict.

ahem

In last week’s Brighton-focused Five to View, I featured a pea-green house as the first property.

Granted, it might be a shade too lurid to suit all tastes, but I think it’s a great example of the many brightly coloured homes that are dotted around Brighton.

Coincidentally, a couple of days later I read a Telegraph article based on a survey by Sandtex Paints, which said that the colour of house you live in can reveal a lot about you.

And poor old green, bless it, was at the bottom of the house colour pecking order with typical occupants earning low salaries in unskilled jobs and driving second hand cars.

In contrast, inhabitants of blue houses typically earned the top salaries, drove the best cars and often had domestic help such as nannies and cleaners.

Looking at the list to see if there was a category for the peachy-pink façade boasted by our house I found, to my dismay, that it came second lowest in the list.

However, resident of unsuccessful, low-earning pink house or not, I still have the mental capacity to know that this fun survey is best taken with a pinch of salt!

Here’s what you’re supposed to earn, according to the colour of your home:

Average Annual Earnings by House Colour:
(Sandtex Paints Survey)

Blue £38,000
Red £23,500
White £23,400
Magnolia £23,100
Beige £20,800
Orange £20,000***
Purple £19,600
Grey £19,000
Yellow £18,500
Brown £18,400
Pink £14,500
Green £13,100

***Can I just point out that I have never in my life seen an orange house…does such a thing even exist?