Phil Spencer’s Location. Location, Location is unknown. The TV presenter has been taken into police protection following violent threats from frustrated first-time buyers.

phil-and-kirstieSpencer, famed for his sotto voce whispering to the camera on Channel 4’s Location, Location, Location, is believed to be in hiding – possibly in a city centre pied a terre during the week and a pretty Costwold cottage at the weekend.

But rather than living the “best of both worlds” dream, Phil is enduring a property presenter’s worst nightmare after a militant splinter group from housepricecrash.co.uk threatened to give him “a right good kicking” and then relocate him to an undisclosed council estate in the North of England.

A letter to the presenter – accompanied by a harrowing virtual tour of the run-down estate – warned that Spencer’s recent comments in the Sunday Telegraph were “the final straw”.

“Spencer,” the letter reads, “believes the market will recover in the spring. He thinks now is a good time to buy. He’s still convinced that lack of supply will underpin the market.

“When someone like Phil Spencer can keep peddling this tripe, trying to convince more people to pile into a market he has already helped to hype well beyond its worth, well, he’s just asking for trouble.

“Morally he should stop preaching and spend more time thinking about the harm he will have helped to cause to thousands of families across the country.

“If he refuses to shut his trap and get his smug mush off the telly we’ll relocate his ass with extreme prejudice. Phil, you smarmy snake oil property porn merchant, we know where you live (you paid too much for it), and we’re coming to get you. In an unmarked Mini Cooper.”

Police say the letter was accompanied by the virtual tour and a 40-page document with graphs, spreadsheets and a complex explanation of why a house price crash was inevitable.

“We’re taking this extremely seriously,” said Scotland Yard. “The accompanying documents are clearly the work of a disturbed mind. Only a nutter would argue that a crash is inevitable. Haven’t they ever heard of micro-markets?”

Kirstie Allsopp, Spencer’s co-presenter of Channel 4’s Location, Location, Location, is said to be “extremely cross”.

Related Tags: General, TV, Phil and Kirstie, April Fool

Related Posts: