Monbiot Fires First Shot In ‘Aga Wars’

George Monbiot, Guardian columnist, green campaigner and the chattering classes’ favourite eco luvvie, has suddenly gone completely mad and declared war on … the Aga.

Now look George, I have to tell you, it’s all well and good getting shirty about Terminal 5, recycling, Shell, etc, but quite another to start criticising the lifestyles of media types who wouldn’t be caught dead with a plastic shopping bag.

Monbiot turns the knife by claiming that most middle class greens would look down their noses at a patio heater while happily nuking the environment with their four door industrial warhorse in the kitchen.

“A large Aga running on coal turns out 9 tonnes of carbon dioxide per year: five and a half times the total CO2 production of the average UK home. To match that, the patio heater would have to burn for 9 months.

“So where is the campaign against Agas? There isn’t one.

“I’ve lost count of the number of aspirational middle-class greens I know who own one of these monsters and believe that they are somehow compatible (perhaps because they look good in a country kitchen) with a green lifestyle. The campaign against Agas – which starts here – will divide rich greens down the middle.”

Bloody hell, George, hasn’t anyone told you: the middle classes, they don’t like it up ‘em (and, err, by the way, Agas can run on oil and leccy, and they’re working on a biofuel model. Are you sure you have this right?)

Keep this up, George, and you’ll be getting perfectly punctuated missives from the Aga liberation front promising to roast you in goose fat and serve you up on a bed of organically grown curly kale.

You’ve bitten off more than you can chew here matey, mark my words: just check out the list of sleb Aga owners over on the Aga website. It’s formidable!

Then there’s the untold army of Aga devotees to tap into on This is My Aga.  Not to mention Joanna Trollope and the WI…

George, George, George, please, be sensible: stick to slagging off Easy Jet and Tesco or you’ll never eat a traditionally cooked supper in this town (or country) again.