Welcome To The Animal House

No, I’m not talking about John Belushi in a toga. Instead I’ve got pictures of hedgehog houses, bat belfries and ladybird towers dancing before my eyes.

Relax, dear reader, I haven’t eaten magic mushrooms and ended up in a psychedelic Beatrix Potter world.
All the above abodes are available to the great British gardener to encourage wildlife into their gardens, via the website www.ecotopia.co.uk.

Marvel at the ‘Solar Insect Theatre’ (the smash hit, straight from the West End), coo over ‘The Butterfly Pavilion’ (understated colonial elegance) and weep at the poignant ‘Solitary Bee Box’ which conjures up visions of a sad, lonely bee, sitting inside, watching re-runs of Friends, crying into his honey.

It’s all rather sweet and charming. I remember (back in the mists of my 70s childhood) when the best your average hedgehog could expect was a saucer of milk next to a log pile, and a blue tit would have to be happy with a clumsily knocked-together birdhouse that I’d made with my Dad. (The first and last time we collaborated on a woodworking project. He suggested I whack the nail. I assumed he meant his thumbnail. I was only six.)

But today the modern hedgehog can have a “Hedgehog House … constructed from durable timber/oak with double layered roof for waterproofing and insulation and oak floor. The house comes complete with vent pipe and instructions.”

What? We’re talking a serious hedgehog des res here, people – it’s got a better spec than my flat!

And what would that erstwhile blue tit make of today’s offerings? Come with me now on a journey into the world of avian real estate…

“Hello Mr Tit, what sort of property are you looking for?”
“Call me Blue, please, and, er, I dunno, a nice simple nesting box for me and the missus?”
“Well, how about a Larch/Oak/Acacia Sherwood Interchangeable Nest Box?”
“You what?”
“Or perhaps Sir would consider a Roosting Nest Pocket with Cedar Roof?”
“Are you taking the p…?”

Joking aside, all these offerings support a very admirable attempt to promote wildlife and I applaud it. So, go forth, go now, and kit out your garden with the latest in bug, bird and rodent friendly housing.

Finally, for all you architectural snobs who can’t bear to have some rustic-looking box sitting alongside your sleek, concrete-and-glass, modernist masterpiece, I leave you with the ultimate in avian abodes, a Richard Meier inspired birdhouse.

What’s next, a Norman Foster birdbath?

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